Heaven knows that I spend a lot of time here at CosmoCon talking about traditional gender roles and etiquette. I don’t know if this is an extension of my conservative values, faith or Southern upbringing. It’s probably a combination of all three. What else can happen when you throw a God-fearing Southern Belle into politics?

Southern Living, my ultimate favorite magazine and the official bible on how to be a Southerner (this magazine is a close second), tweeted a link to a blog that republished an article on how to charm a woman in the South. It picks up on issues that I’ve written about here, and it’s the type of thing that usually ends up as an email forward. Without getting into politics or taunting those vile feminists, it captures how I think. I know many of my Southern readers will appreciate it.

Oh, rule #1 is a major pet peeve.

15 Ways to Charm Her

Southern Living, July 2009 | By Amy Bickers

“Want to impress a Southern girl? Just think “What would my grandfather have done?”

Number one: We still expect you to give up your seat for a lady. On a bus, at a bar, on a train. . . we don’t care where you are. Unless you are at a restaurant and the only lady in sight is the one taking your order, stand up. Now.

On a recent Friday night at a bustling restaurant bar, two friends and I waited for our table to be called. The barstools were occupied so we stood patiently, sipping wine and chatting about the workweek. When a couple nearby stood up, another woman – who had been there less time than we had – swooped in, reaching across us to put her purse on the stool. This isn’t the worst part. It’s what happened next: Her male companion then slid onto the other barstool.

Hang on while I do a geography check. Are we not in the South? If ladies are waiting for a seat and you have a Y chromosome, do you sit down? No, sir. No, you do not.

We know modern life is confusing. The roles of men and women have evolved over the years. As Pink once sang, “Shorty got a job, Shorty got a car, Shorty can pay her own rent.”

But come on, let’s keep some things old-school. My late grandfather- he of the East Texas upbringing, U.S. Navy captain status, and Cary Grant good looks – would never have allowed a woman to stand while he sat. And if you want a Southern woman to love you, neither will you. So, men, here’s a short list of things Southern girls still expect from you.

We still expect you to…

1. Stand up for a lady. Actually, this doesn’t just involve chairs.
2. Know that the SEC has the best football TEAMS IN THE NATION. Big 12 fan? Hmm, perhaps you should keep walking.
3. Kill bugs. Delta Burke as Southern belle Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women said, “. . .Ya know, when men use Women’s Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you. Oh, I just hate that! I don’t care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!”
4. Hold doors open. This goes for elevator doors too.
5. Fix things or build stuff. I once watched in awe as my stepfather built a front porch on the house he shares with my mother. He knew just what to do, cutting every notch, hammering every nail. The project was complete by sunset.
6. Wear boots occasionally. Not the fancy, l-paid-$l,000-for-these kind. We’re talking about slightly mud-crusted, I-could-have-just-come-in-from-the-field boots.
7. Take off your hat inside.
8. Grill stuff.
9. Call us. If you want to ask us out, don’t text and don’t e-mail. Pick up the phone and use your voice.
10. Stand when we come back to the dinner table. ”Just a little half-stand is enough to make me melt,” my friend Stephanie says.
11. Pull out chairs. Wait, that’s not all. Scoot them back in before we hit the floor.
12. Pay the tab on the first few dates. ”If you ask me out, you pay,” Stephanie says. “If I ask you out, you should still pay.” Listen, guys, it’s just simpler this way.
13. Don’t show up in a wrinkled, untucked shirt. Care about your appearance but not too much. Don’t smell better than we do. Don’t use mousse or gel. You shouldn’t look like you spend more time in front of the mirror than we do.
14. Never get in bar fights. Patrick Swayze might look cool in Road House, but in reality, bar fights are stupid and embarrassing. You don’t look tough. You look like an idiot.
15. Know how to mix our favorite cocktail JUST THE WAY WE LIKE IT. Fix your favorite too. Sit down on the porch (it’s okay if you didn’t build it), tell us how your day went, and we’ll tell you about ours.

We’ll leave the long list to the girl who falls in love with you.

Four words: Basil Marceaux. Colbert Report.

My current favorite viral celebrity was featured on one of the most prominent cable television shows.

We all know these whackadoodle politicians. They exist in every town across this country and serve to remind us how awesome democracy is. Before the Sex Poodle’s great invention, we couldn’t share them. They just got old and annoying because they won’t go away and run for some office every election. However, the wacky politician in your hometown is hilarious in mine. Bless the interwebs.

President Reagan once said, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”

This chart is a graphic representation of that quote.

Click here to download the full-size. It’s even scarier. (PDF)

This is an official update of the chart from last summer from Rep. Kevin Brady from Texas.

Keep in mind, this program hasn’t been implemented yet. What happens when Congress goes back to “fix” some of the issues? This chart is doomed to get worse. Far worse.

Every time I run by Target or the grocery store at Potomac Yard, I wish that my church — National Community Church — had a location there. Since the mission of NCC is to meet at places of business in the DC area, it’s the perfect location.

A few weeks ago, my prayers were answered. Pastor Mark announced that the movie theater at Potomac Yard would be the sixth NCC location!

To help promote the initial meeting about the launch, Pastor Kurtis, the campus pastor for the new site, made a rap video. Pastor Kurtis is an extremely talented musician, but I had my qualms when I heard about it. However, it became an instant NCC classic, and people requested that they put it on YouTube to promote the new location. It may even replace my favorite NCC bumper of all time.

As soon as I heard the news, I knew that I had to be involved. I’ve served on the Hospitality Team at the Ebenezer’s Coffeehouse location for a couple of years, and I helped out at Embrace Church when I lived in Chattanooga. Over the next month, I’ll be transitioning from co-leader on the Hospitality Team at Ebz, to Hospitality Leader at Potomac Yard. (Hence the new church responsibilities.)

If you are in the area and looking for a church or just want to give church a try, stop by the movie theaters on September 12. If you are a Believer, we would appreciate prayers for this launch. A large percentage of NCCers were previously de-churched, meaning they grew up in the church and stopped going for a year or more. There’s huge potential here. Just consider the neighborhoods surrounding Potomac Yard: Crystal City, Del Ray, Arlandria, Rosemont, Old Town, Pentagon City and Four Mile Run. So many people live in this small area of Northern Virginia.

Generally, I shy away from blogging about church because I don’t want people to think that NCC is only filled with other right-wing crazies like me. As I’ve said before, NCC does an awesome job of staying above the political fray. In fact, I appreciate the refuge from the political world. Without taking a few hours a week to leave partisanship at the door and just focus on God with fellow Believers, I don’t think I could survive life in the Beltway.

Mark your calendars for the Potomac Yard launch on September 12!

If blogging has been light lately, it’s because a few priorities are shifting in my life. A new responsibility has emerged at church (more about that tomorrow!), I’m in a leadership position with the Junior League and work has gotten busier.

Rather than worrying about getting a blog post up every day or at least every other day, I’m going to scale back to posting about twice a week. Of course, every time I try to slow down, I spend the next few weeks furiously adding content. Who really knows what will happen?

At the moment, church and work are priorities, and those are enough to keep me busy! Part of getting older is learning boundaries, and that’s finally a lesson that I’m picking up.

Please don’t stop reading but don’t get disappointed if a few days go by without a new post. Instead of assuming I’m watching Mad Men, protesting at a Tea Party or making a feminist cry, I’m probably volunteering or working on a project that been sitting on my to-do list for a while. I’m changing the pace rather than stopping.

In other news….

My favorite magazine Garden & Gun is on sale this week. It’s only $3.75 for one year!

Yes, you read that right. Imagine Veranda meets the NRA.

Several years ago, I stumbled upon Garden & Gun and was amused by the eccentric pairing of topics. It makes sense. Most Southerners have some innate love of both gardens and guns, so why not combine them?

The magazine is truly a work of art. The photo spreads are beautiful, and it’s printed on heavy stock. I love the design & layout. Plus it has interesting features and recipes. The homes and gardens are lush and high end. Then there’s the guns.

In my excitement over this deal, I added it to my gchat away message, and a number of people commented on it. Thus, dear readers, I hope you will also invest the $3.75 and experience the awesomeness of Garden & Gun.

FYI, they also have a daily newsletter!

Until this week, I had lost faith in my home state of Tennessee to match Alabama and South Carolina in political absurdity. Sure, the TN-03 race could be a case study in the art of mudslinging and the gubernatorial race is heading toward a multi-generational blood feud, but it’s nothing compared to legendary YouTube ads or astounding dark horse candidates. Even the George Washington Chrysler ad had more political pandering than anything coming out of the Volunteer State.

Hamilton County, the part of Southeast Tennessee where I spent most of my life, you restored my faith.

First of all, you made the rest of the country aware of the amazing platform that could only belong to Basil Marceaux. Prior to his viral video, the only people who knew about him were the unfortunate drivers who saw his enormous sign at the intersection of Hamill Road and 153 during the 2008 election, Tea Party attendees, the editors at Chattarati and me. His uniqueness was just too much to keep within the Scenic City.

Yes, America. You can thank us. The anti-stop light lobby has a spokesman…finally.

Now, prominent members of the Hamilton County Republican Party have taken the bold step of endorsing…a Democrat!?! That’s right, a number of influential people behind the county party — with the largest Pachyderm Club in the country — endorsed Bill Knowles, Democratic incumbent, for county clerk.

Their statement, published at Chattanoogan.com, is priceless:

As concerned Republican leaders and citizens, we do not wish to watch a travesty take place in Hamilton County such as the one that occurred recently in the South Carolina primaries.

Dude. If you’re going to endorse a member of the opposing party, there really isn’t a reason to mince words. At least they are honest with their intentions.

However, we as Republicans ‘cannot’ support Mr. Heathington for county clerk due to his numerous criminal convictions which are a matter of public record.

Since this is a county position, no one really pays attention. It’s a shame, and I confess to ignoring county races. Unless I happened to read Joe Lance’s excellent voter guides to Chattanooga-area politics, I honestly voted for the candidate with the best yard sign. (This evolved after someone put the Disney type on their yard sign. Anyone willing to use that typeface should not hold public office regardless of party.)

The office of county clerk doesn’t seem that contentious, and Bill Knowles has been there for 36 years. Renewing your license plate is actually one of the easiest things to do in Hamilton County, and the folks in the County Courthouse are always incredibly friendly. If this was the Assessor of Property, the office that raised nearly everyone’s property assessment in a year when the housing market took a national nosedive, I could understand a race that’s closer than normal.

What has scared Republicans enough to endorse a Democrat in the section of Tennessee that has voted mostly GOP since before the Civil War? (Watch Senator Alexander give an excellent explanation of the political makeup of Tennessee if curious.)

Mr. Heathington, the Republican, appears to have a bit of a criminal background. Apparently he:

-Pled guilty in Federal Court to failure to comply with federal officials and directives, 1982. Sentenced to 30 days in jail, suspended and placed on probation.
-Pled guilty to assault in 1983 and received six months suspended sentence.
-While on federal probation, pled guilty to DUI in 1990 and received 11 months/29 days, suspended after 45 days in jail and $500 fine paid.
-Pled guilty 1990 to driving on a revoked license and was given 30 days in the workhouse as well as fined $200.
-Pled guilty August 2008 to possession of gambling devices or records and was fined $50.

While I’m willing to give people second chances, especially for crimes committed twenty years ago, he really has HamCo insiders frightened. What triggered this? According to an opinion piece from Roy Exum, who publishes almost weekly opinion pieces at Chattanoogan, an online poll has them concerned.

As of 5 a.m. this morning with 1,528 responses, a poll asking, “For county clerk of Hamilton County, do you favor?” the poll showed Bill has a comfortable 66-34 margin over his Republican rival, Chester Heathington. What everyone with any knowledge of Hamilton County knows is, that last number is insane

Facepalm? Online polls are hardly accurate, and Chattanoogan polls can stay open for weeks at at time. You can even vote more than once. I’m frankly surprised that 1,500 people took the time to click a response on an issue regarding the county clerk.

While Mr. Exum has a valid point that straight-ticket voters could elect Heathington, local primaries have notoriously low turnouts, particularly ones during peak vacation periods like the beginning of August. Honestly, if Bill Knowles got all of his friends and family turned out to vote, he’d have a greater impact on the election than any other factor.

The real problem here is that it is incredibly easy to run for public office, and the Republicans still couldn’t find anyone to primary Heathington. That shows a far bigger issue than an online poll having a narrow gap of 17 points! There are strong arguments for eliminating national parties since we no longer need their machines to elect a majority party. The only reason to keep local parties around is to recruit and train future candidates.

The Hamilton County GOP is huge. Why aren’t they working to motivate and train potential candidates? That scenario alone exemplifies why so many grassroots Americans are fed up with the GOP. We may be leading on the generic ballot nationally, but Americans are more upset with the Democrats. We’re not the favored party. We’re the lessor of two evils. That’s not a good place to be.

Obviously, this system is failing us. If local insiders can’t recruit a friend to run for office (and apparently lose) or discourage anyone from running against a popular incumbent, there are far bigger issues than a 17 point gap on an online poll. Tennesseans want training, activism and leadership not social functions and good ol’ boy networks.

According to the BBC and Double XX, moonshine is now an accepted beverage among foodies.

As part of the movement to grow and process your own food, home breweries are popular. I guess moonshine was the next logical step. Per the BBC:

Though most prosecutions continue to be in the south, many of today’s new moonshiners are hipster kids, foodie enthusiasts and hobbyists on America’s coasts, making booze in their kitchens and bathrooms.

Growing up in the foothills of Appalachia, this just seems…strange. To me, moonshine means redneck and white trash. If you’ve ever seen or smelled a still, I question the desire to build one in your kitchen and bathroom.

Certainly moonshining is part of the cultural fabric in the South. NASCAR got its start when moonshiners built fast cars to escape local authorities. Reports of knowing someone who bought moonshine from a neighbor’s brother’s cousin’s fraternity friend are not that exceptional. In college, I had co-workers who frequently bought moonshine in Scott County, Tennessee. And by tradition, some people keep a jar of moonshine in their car in case they run out of gas. Other friends actually drank some of the famous apple pie moonshine that Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton made that the Double XX story mentions.

According to both stories, part of the allure of moonshine is breaking the law and sticking it to “The Man.” So of course Double XX makes the leap to Tea Party folks:

Despite the potential appeal to Manhattan cocktailers, the real draw of moonshine at this moment in time may be its links to “the elemental rural libertarianism that shaped American politics.” (Tea Party moonshine, anyone?)

I can somewhat understand the appeal. Sometimes both sides of the political spectrum move so far to the fringe that they share common beliefs. The anti-commercialism, anti-corporate urbanites are drawn to the illicit spirit just like Middle America libertarians are. To my understanding, it’s not illegal to make moonshine for personal consumption, but it is illegal to sell it. (Someone, please correct me if I’m wrong.) That feeds into the personal liberty trend growing in this country.

There are drawbacks. Sales of moonshine are illegal not only because of lost tax revenue, but also because homemade grain alcohol can be dangerous. Moonshine is almost pure alcohol and isn’t that far off from the ethanol used as a supplement in gasoline–hence the reason to keep a jar in your trunk. Anti-government types and foodies may like the naturalness of moonshine, but there are benefits of buying liquor and food from licensed companies that follow safety regulations.

Stories like this make me wonder why urban-dwellers are so pretentious and look down at those in the South and fly-over country. What’s redneck to me is apparently cutting-edge to hipsters.

Update: So Hot Air picked up on the video. Remember where you saw it first though folks. (Well, me and Post Politics).

Also, if you want even more Basil action, follow his Twitter feed.

When South Carolina hasn’t been in the news, Alabama candidates have filled the void of interesting political stories this cycle.

Tennnessee, here’s your chance to share some of that glory. I’ve briefly mentioned Basil Marceaux, a Chattanoogan who appears to run for something every election cycle. For the first time, I present Mr. Marceaux in his own words.

I’ve previously stated that Dale Peterson needed to have a cable news show with Alvin Greene. I take that back. I think Mr. Marceaux here is a better match for the dark horse candidate from South Carolina.

H/T Nathan at Holding Down the Fort via email.

One arguments against the feminist movement is that they sold out to Bill Clinton in order to advance their political interests within the Democratic Party.

For years, conservatives and independents have lobbed this point at feminists, and that leftist group of women have always responded that it was “just about sex” or “Monica was a consenting adult.” In fact, some groups use Monica as a champion of advancing the sexual revolution and opening the door for women to assert themselves through use their bodies or sexuality.

Katha Pollitt’s comments on Journolist effectively prove that feminists did sell out to the Democrats in order to protect Clinton, and they knowingly did it:

Katha Pollitt – Hayes’s colleague at the Nation – didn’t disagree on principle, though she did sound weary of the propaganda. “I hear you. but I am really tired of defending the indefensible. The people who attacked Clinton on Monica were prissy and ridiculous, but let me tell you it was no fun, as a feminist and a woman, waving aside as politically irrelevant and part of the vast rightwing conspiracy Paula, Monica, Kathleen, Juanita,” Pollitt said.

Pollitt proves that feminists do not have the best interests of women at heart. They care more about advancing the causes of their political party. Put her quotes in perspective of the current debate going on over conservative women and feminism. If they distract us or try to “refudiate” the issue by making fun of certain Mama Grizzlies or issuing mandates that we’re not good for women because we don’t support progressive causes, they’re pulling a Jeremiah Wright.

How can this ideology group be trusted? How do you know when they are working to advance the cause of women and when do you know that their working to protect a slimy politician because he has the precious D after his name? From this point forward, everything, and I mean everything, that feminists say should be viewed from this perspective.

If they previously sold women out over the likes of Bill Clinton, what happens when a true threat comes their way? What happens when conservative women –the apparent blood enemy — are closer to achieving the goals that they’ve never been able to reach in the past five decades?

Things get vicious. Oh, sort of like their coverage of a certain figure from Alaska….

Update: James DeLong at The Enterprise Blog captures my reaction without my snark or underlying dislike of the media. H/T: NRO.

The Journolist quotes today released by The Daily Caller are nothing short of astounding. First of all, they confirm the worst paranoia of conservatives: the media has an outright agenda and has conspired to use their soap boxes to manipulate public opinion. Secondly, respected writers and opinion leaders are more than willing to throw their causes and values under the proverbial bus to advance the interests of the Democratic Party and specific liberal leaders.

And liberals call conservatives mindless lemmings…

I disagree with Ed Morrissey at Hot Air. He writes:

There is something to keep in mind in this particular story, which is that the people involved in the specific conversations regarding the smear are all opinion journalists, and not people filling roles in objective reporting.  The Prospect, the (Washington) Independent, and the Nation are all publications with an explicit point of view, although the Independent offers a little more of a pretense of traditional reporting.  That doesn’t relieve them of responsibility for proposing and/or considering an odious smear campaign, but it does make it difficult to tie this to other journalists filling a different role.

Sure, the individuals quoted in Daily Caller fall under “opinion writers,” but their opinions are hugely influential. Cable news channels, looking to fill hours and hours of airtime with commentary, often quote these specific writers or invite them to be interviewed. Their quotes and TV appearances are copied over and over in the blogosphere, effectively proving the words of Joseph Goebbels. Their words may originate as opinion, but they quickly enter the stream of “hard news.”

There’s no way of knowing how their Journolist comments influenced younger writers on the list or those working in nonprofits and think tanks. For example, if a young AP writer looks up to a well-known columnist spouting off opinions on Journolist, how do we know that coverage wasn’t tweaked? Those stories get filtered to smaller media markets and are often the only story presented on national or international news. Is it possible to fully grasp the amount of manipulation caused by influential writers with a political agenda?

This may be an extreme view, but Journolist shows collusion and conspiracy to promote one particular political agenda. Shouldn’t news outlets with any trace of integrity search their archives for similar phrasing to what was written in Journolist?

Journalism has never been an honorable field, but this really is a black mark on the industry. A group of people actively worked together to kill a story that possibly would have altered the 2008 election. What else have they conspired against? What other news have they manipulated and changed so that the American people only hear it from their perspective?

This also calls the entire racism debate into question. What is the exact state of race relations in America? If this was a convenient sleight-of-hand that liberals attempted to shift the focus of Jeremiah Wright and Obama, they had to know it would work. What other times have they tried it? What other stories have been manipulated, and individuals smeared to protect a particular leftist interest?

It’s pretty bad when journalism looks dirtier than public relations. At least folks in my industry are open about their biases.