Back in the 1980s, my elementary Weekly Reader predicted that “The Big One” earthquake would hit the Eastern US. Apparently, some major fault line is underneath the Mississippi River, and this spelled uncertain doom for half of the country. Perhaps it was the era of paranoia in America since it was the end of the Cold War, but I remember dilligently having earthquake drills in elementary school and being prepared for what to do in the event the armageddon quake happened.*

Earthquake Opportunity #1

An earthquake did happen. Back in 1988, a small tremor shook East Tennessee. My family was out of town. I came back to tales of my friends sharing how a few dishes had fallen off the wall or the deck shook. I was disappointed. I had nothing exciting to say at recess.

Earthquake Opportunity #2

Fast-forward to spring 2002. We had nearly two decades of tectonic peace. One morning my sophomore year in college, my phone rings and wakes me up early. In the immediate post-9/11 days, that was slightly scary. Every Fox News Alert caused a slight heart attack.

“Did you feel it?” My mom asks. She sounds excited. Something must be wrong.

“What?” I sleepily reply, looking at my alarm clock. It was 6:30 a.m.

“The earthquake!

“There was an earthquake?”

“Yes! How did you miss it? It shook the house.”

“No. I didn’t feel anything. I am on the 12th floor and sleeping on a loft. Is anything broken? Are the dogs ok?”

“The dogs? They’re fine. Nothing was damaged.”

“No national emergencies then?

“No. everything is fine. I was just curious if you felt it.”

“Ok. Bye. I’m going back to sleep now.”

Once again, I had missed an earthquake in East Tennessee. Those were the days prior to Facebook, so everyone broadcasted their relationship status, emotional states and drinking locations via IM away messages. That morning they all described their earthquake experiences. For the first time ever, I was disappointed that I was a heavy sleeper.

I had slept through my second opportunity to experience an earthquake.

Earthquake Opportunity #3

This morning, I was sitting down to eat my delightful bowl of Kashi Honey Sunshine and strawberries when I saw the news on Facebook that DC had experienced an earthquake. I immediately sent out a surprised tweet.

Once again, I missed an earthquake…

This time, I wasn’t alone. It seems that everyone else missed it. Kudos to FamousDC for their in-depth coverage of the devastation in the DC area.  I have faith that the community, which collectively whined together throughout Snowmaggedon, will somehow survive.

I don’t want to wish a devastating geological event on the DC area, especially after the horrors of Haiti. However, I keep sleeping through these things.

*We also had at least one nuclear fallout drill, which appeared to be the same as an earthquake drill: get under your desk and kneel on the ground to cover your head. I fail to see how covering your head with your arms protects you in a nuclear holocaust. Looking back, I think my principal was on the paranoid side.